


stuck in stories - Nikki

by ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie



Series: stuck in stories - stuck in reverse one-shot collection [4]
Category: Tenet (2020)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, and I mean it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:29:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27455773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie/pseuds/ardat_yakshi_stole_my_cookie
Summary: //I see you with her, and it crushes me insideGuess I should stop thinkin’ about you all the timeMaybe this is what I neededMaybe this is a sign//
Relationships: Neil/Reader
Series: stuck in stories - stuck in reverse one-shot collection [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972327
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	stuck in stories - Nikki

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot is a straight-up prequel to the events happening in Stuck in Reverse series.  
> The tipping point in the history of our favorite chaotic idiots, you may say.  
> Let me know what you think?  
> (song: Tori Kelly - All in my head)

The atmosphere in the car was volatile. You were determined not to make a scene in front of Wheeler, but as she pulled over to drop Neil off next to his apartment, he exploded first.

“Enlighten me, since _when_ exactly do you have problems with following simple instructions?”

“For fuck’s sake, this is rich, coming from you-” you snarled at him and reached for the doorknob. “Thanks Wheeler, I’ll walk from here.”

You glared at Neil with a silent plea for keeping his mouth shut until you both leave. He pressed his lips together and nodded.

“You sure? It’s pouring,” your colleague glanced at you in the rear-view mirror. You could say that even though she was concerned about your well-being, she would gladly dump the two of you right there, without having to deal with your bullshit any longer.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, see you tomorrow.”

You jumped out of the car the second it stopped. It was bucketing down. The city’s lights were reflecting in huge puddles. The smell of wet asphalt was lingering in the air. In different circumstances, it would be quite mesmerizing.

You didn’t want to talk to Neil. Not right then. You were so ashamed of losing your edge and endangering the mission. And your squad. The sole thought about what could have happened made you nauseous. It would have been your own goddamn fault. _Again_. You forced yourself to inhale. All you had to do was to start walking to your apartment located a few blocks away. Easy, right?

Not quite so, not with fuming Neil blocking your way, staring at you angrily.

His blue eyes were searching for yours, but you weren’t ready to meet them.

You were too afraid of what he might see.

The truth was, part of you’d hoped that Neil would have been pissed enough to let you go. But he was still _him_ , no matter what you’d kept telling yourself over the last weeks.

“What’s going on? Because what’s happened today…that wasn’t you.”

He wasn’t wrong. But he wasn’t exactly right either.

Nevertheless, it was enough for you to build another wall around yourself.

You shrugged and spat out, “Seems like there are so many sides to me that you don’t know, then.”

“Even _that_ is unusually dramatic,” he scoffed, the corner of his lips twitching in more of a reflex than an honest attempt to smile.

_You were just so fed up._

You finally looked him in the eyes. “Go to hell Neil,” you sighed and tried to walk around him.

But he wasn’t gonna let it slide that easily.

Neil took a step to the side and blocked you one more time.

“Wow, are you just gonna walk away?” he sneered as he crossed his arms, faint notes of disappointment ringing in the question.

“Any better ideas?” you huffed as you tried to go around him again.

And as you almost succeeded, Neil grabbed your wrist. You held your breath and squinted your eyes shut, desperate to keep your emotions at bay.

“Look at me.”

The soft undertones in his voice made a crack in your walls. You sighed heavily and glanced at him over your shoulder.

Neil didn’t waste that short moment of your attention. He pulled your wrist, making you turn his way as reached for the other one. When he looked at you, you noticed that all anger in his expression was replaced by concern. “Talk to me, please.”

“Oh, _now_ you want to talk?” a laugh escaping your mouth was almost hysterical _. Better late than never_ , but you were too hurt to care at that point. You tried to break away from his grasp and the rain was working in your favor; you managed to wriggle out your wrists, only for Neil to catch your hands firmly a second later.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

His calmness was driving you crazy and you snapped.

“I haven’t seen you in _weeks_!”

The accusation hit him hard. For a moment Neil loosened his hold, but then he squeezed your hands again. His brows furrowed as he opened his mouth to protest, you didn’t want to hear it though.

You winced. “Don’t say anything, I get it.”

You kept seeing each other at work, after all. What else did you need? When he wasn’t on assignments, he spent every moment with his girlfriend. That was understandable. It was also the first year you’d spent your holiday alone. But he’d been busy renovating Nikki’s apartment. What was most important though, he was so happy and you didn’t want to bother him or dump your problems on him. You could handle yourself. _Most of the time, anyway._

And now he wanted to talk.

You didn’t even know what could you possibly start with. The sleepless nights? The worrying news from home? Or maybe the toll the Canada missions had taken on your body and your mental health? Or simply the fact that you’d been lonely and you were missing your best friend? Even when he was standing right there in front of you?

Neil’s thumbs were gently stroking your knuckles, his worried eyes never left yours.

Your chest was clenched so hard you could barely breathe.

“It’s just too much,” you started, fighting for every word to make it past the lump in your throat. You chuckled bitterly at the sudden thought. It was quite accurate, doubly so with that bloody weather. “It feels like I’m drowning.”

_And like nobody cared._

As if he could hear the last thought, Neil pulled your hands to his chest and smiled sadly.

“I’m right here.”

 _…but was he really?_ You bit your lower lip to stop it from trembling and let out a shaky breath.

A hint of pain clouded Neil’s expression as he urged you softly, “Let’s talk it over, okay? Come inside, and-” a sudden frown on your face sparked a slight panic in his mind. “…or not, we can go anywhere, we’ll get some tea or we’ll order drinks and get shitfaced, whatever you need, just _please_ -”

“Babe, what are you doing here? …Oh, hi Y/N.”

You didn’t know what hurt more. How quickly Neil let go of your hands and took a step back when his girlfriend approached the both of you. Or watching Nikki placing a long kiss on his lips.

Or the way she looked at you after that.

And to think that you used to be friends.

It was hard not to like her though. She was pretty as a doll and insanely charismatic – and she knew how to use both of those to her advantage. She strolled through life as it was one big party, with everyone around her being there to cater to her every need.

_But hey, maybe you were just jealous._

Nikki’s eyes were darting between Neil and you from under the umbrella. Finally, she pouted and shot him a disapproving look. “We need to leave in 10 minutes and you look like a disaster.”

Neil smacked his tongue as he flashed his teeth in frustration.

“Jesus, it’s Wednesday already…”

“Yes babe, and we are supposed to be at my parents’ in an hour, so chop chop! Sorry, Y/N.” she grimaced and gestured towards the building’s door.

Neil’s shoulders slumped as he weighed all the choices in his head. You could see how torn he was.

It was more than you could take.

“It’s fine. You shouldn’t be late,” you forced a weak smile on your face, trying to cover the hollowness of your voice. “See you at work.”

You waved your hand and started walking. Soaked to the skin. Shivering, but you weren’t sure if it was from the cold or the exhaustion. Or from the broken heart.

Suddenly, you heard footsteps behind you.

“Wait!”

You stopped, blinking rapidly, so Neil wouldn’t see your tears.

You turned around.

Neil was clearly battling with himself for a moment, but then he placed both hands on your arms.

“Are we okay?” he asked, locking his gaze with yours.

You sighed.

“Neil…”

He shook his head and squeezed your arms slightly.

“I need to know.”

The determination in his blue eyes was tainted with sadness, and it made the pit in your chest grew an inch.

You nodded and gave him a weak smile. “We’re okay.”

Neil exhaled shakily as he brushed a wet strand of hair from your face.

“How about you?” he asked softly, cupping your cheek with his palm.

That gesture brought you on the verge of breaking down. You wanted nothing more but to embrace him, to feel his arms wrapped around you tightly, to hide your face in the crook of his neck, and to forget about the whole world even for just a second.

You caught the sight of Nikki standing in front of their apartment’s door and looking in your direction.

It took all your strength not to choke on the lump in your throat.

You put your hand on his chest. His heart was pounding heavily under your fingers.

“I will be,” you whispered. “Go back to her.”

_____

“Thank you, I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Of course,” said TP as he closed the door. A quick look at your puffy eyes, the pale face, and your trembling hands was enough for him to assess the situation. He took your coat and motioned for you to follow him further into his hotel room. “Towel? G&T? Pizza?”

You chuckled lightly.

“Yes to all, thanks.”

After a few minutes, you were no longer dripping all over the floor. As you rested on an armchair, your boss handed you a drink.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway,” he said, sitting down on a sofa.

Your heart sank in your chest.

“Am I in trouble?”

“You tell me,” his eyebrow raised at the sight of a puzzled look on your face. “What’s up with you two?”

Oh, _that_.

You shook your head and tightened your grip on the drink.

“Nothing.”

He scoffed. “This _nothing_ almost cost us a mission today.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not gonna happen again,” you sighed. God, you were so embarrassed.

TP hummed, taking a sip of his drink. “I sure as hell hope so.”

He was still waiting for the answer though.

You fixed your eyes on your glass. You couldn’t bullshit your way out of this one. You trusted him and you knew whatever you were going to say, it would never leave this room. And that thought was enough. “It’s just… I don’t know how much longer I can endure this.”

His dark eyes were scanning your face.

“Is Neil really just a friend?”

 _Bullseye_.

You sighed and closed your eyes.

“I see,” he said, a corner of his lips curling into a knowing smile.

The void in your chest was eating you alive. You knew what you needed to do.

You just had to say it.

“Reassign me.”

TP leaned on his seat. He wasn’t surprised. Just concerned. “Are you sure?”

“No,” you mumbled. You were lightheaded. You hoped that making this decision would lift some weight out of your chest. Quite the opposite, though. “But it hurts… every god awful day it hurts. More and more,” you said quietly as you looked in the dark eyes with determination. “And I can’t risk today’s disaster happening ever again.”

Your boss nodded.

“You gonna tell him?”

 _Oh god._ Even thinking about that was more than you could handle. You shook your head and downed your drink.

“And if he asks?”

“I don’t know,” - you shrugged - “tell him you couldn’t find anybody better for that position?”

TP smirked. “Ah, standard operating procedure, then.”

“Hey now!” you snorted, but a shade of smile appeared on your lips.

And that was enough for him. “I’ll see to it. If that’s really what you want.”

You had no other choice.

“Thank you.”

You just hoped that one day you would be able to forgive yourself.

…And that one day Neil would forgive you, too.


End file.
